Today my mind moved to thoughts about my dad and although he’s no longer here it’s comforting to see him living on in my siblings and in me. I can see him in my brother’s smile and my other brother’s walk. My sister’s love for service and my others sister’s forgiveness… in my diligence and in my mom’s heart.
I remember when I was in grade school and we were at the store. He was looking for something and, since he was legally blind, I wanted to help him but he wouldn’t say what it was. Finally he said he was looking for black electric tape but didn’t want to tell me because I won’t be happy. I was so confused and asked, “What it’s for?” He said to fix his radio. I can still see that old black box that only had a manual tuner and often sounded fuzzy sitting on our bathroom counter. How sweet is he? Worried that as he was up early in the morning before he walked a mile to the bus he rode to work, since he was blind and couldn’t drive, was concerned about my happiness. I could cry thinking about it but it also makes me giggle. I am the lightest sleeper and remember sneaking into the bathroom when he wasn’t looking and turning the radio down then running back to bed. I never knew he saw me.
Music played such a huge part in memories with my dad. I remember every birthday he played and danced in our room waking us up to The Birthday Song by the Beatles. I remember him singing Billy Joel at bedtime and in the car with the windows down. I remember he played ragtime songs on the piano and learned to play the piano by ear, since he couldn’t read the music. I think he had some braille music too. I remember my sister and I buying Neal Young and ELO tapes for Christmas presents one year.
I remember how you could always tell what he was thinking or feeling by the song he played. I find myself doing the same thing. Now that school has started and I have some brief moments at home to myself, one of the first things I do is find the right song for my mood. Yesterday I got an email from Anthropologie with the perfect song for a cloudy, mellow September day. Including a free download from Lucy Schwartz. Such a different song from the usual “Call Me Maybe” that’s been blaring from my speakers all summer. But that song was perfect for what was on my mind.
Together, Collin and I are at such crossroads not knowing what direction we could go. Nothing is certain but there are thoughts of selling our home, moving far, moving close. Already this year has been an interesting one of transitions. When we have transitions we have to adjust and it can be stressful. I get stressed and then: me no happy. And if momma’s not happy… you know the rest. haha! I know it’s just a time to grow but that can be scary thinking of the unknown, and exciting and new and strange. So glad that we can do it together. The lyrics from that song spoke to my heart. No matter where we are- we will make it our home & make it our own.
Lets take all these stones
Build them up tall
And make it a home
We’ll lay down our love
And whatever comes
We’ll make it our own
Photos from an incredible opportunity to document and share life stories from all different mothers and women for BYU Women’s Conference. A film crew, including Manahi, hung out with us for a day and captured our little life together.
PS If you made it to the end of the post you get to hear something I am so excited about. Something to do with a new blog and all about paper! Can’t wait to launch it next week.